After over a year hiatus I am proud to announce my adamerall blog is live again!
Just to refresh your memory the name of my “adamerall” is a play on words… my pen name Adam and one of the medications I take for ADHD which is Adderall. In addition to that I take several other medications; Haldol, an anti-psychotic for Schizophrenia, Cojentin; which is to reduce side-effects of Haldol. Celexa, an anti-depressant for depression. Klonopin, which is for anxiety. Mood stabilizer called Lamictal, which I was recently prescribed. Among others for high blood pressure and whatnot. I don’t want to bore you with the amount meds I take but for informational purposes I will be posting about my experiences with all of my medications in the coming weeks.
So what exactly happened?
First, starting my Spring 2016 semester I was put on a mandated weekly “therapy” session by Farmingdale State College’s dean; Dean Johnson, even though I had voluntarily started going there initially. After my weekly sessions and getting straight As that semester I had missed a [mandated] appointment prior to leaving for Cuba during winter break. When I came back I had called to ask when I could schedule my therapy session to which I found I needed to speak with the school’s dean as my case was closed. Additionally, while registering for one of my required classes I was unable to do so as the dean had put a hold on my account.
My blog went offline and the domain expired. I lost all my blog posts on various topics related to mental health, Trans Mongolian; my book, and my schizophrenia, etc.
I felt like my blog was being watched by the dean.
My psychiatrist, Gerallyn Marchesi, who had been treating me for 4 years, took me off her client list as she was ill and couldn’t continue her practice. I had asked the school mental health office and my therapist to find me a psychiatrist so that I can get prescribed my medications. I had no car and was taking the bus at 6 AM to get to my 8 AM Business Management class. My mandated appointments were based on my therapist’s schedule-which was never accommodating. I remember showing up to my appointment several times only to find out she had called out and they had, apparently, called to let me know. I had received no phone calls. Additionally I would end up being late several times as well as my means of transportation was two Suffolk County buses that either never came on time or never came at all. They would refuse to see me when I was late knowing my circumstances. There were several occasions when I had to take a cab costing me $37 just so that I could make it to my mandated therapy sessions (one time when I showed up it was one of those days when my therapist had called out).
Sure many can say the system is designed to help me and those similar to my condition, but that’s only in an idealistic world. However, the Mental Health Office was actually less therapeutic and Dean Johnson refusing to take the time out to see me to hold the lift on my account as she “assessed” what to do with me.
There were several times when I was on campus I felt as if I was being watched. I was under surveillance. I would call my doctor. She wouldn’t respond but did call back. I would call my therapist. Not only wouldn’t she respond she didn’t bother following up me. There were days when I would go to the library and I would isolate myself upstairs in the most quiet corner I could find. Eventually, my psychiatrist recommended keeping an extra Haldol , the anti-psychotic I take, with me at all times when symptoms of paranoia would arise.
Eventually I lost my psychiatrist, who was my only hope.
Dean never responded to emails or phone calls or messages left with her secretary.
Surprisingly enough I was asked to explain myself for harassing the Dean’s secretary and some girl I had remembered from the previous semester who I just happened to have some small talk in the hallway. She must have complained to Campus Police, which is actually a police department (Farmingdale State College is the safest campus in America). The secretary part I didn’t understand. My therapist had to take a statement from me to send to the dean.
With all these circumstances, I eventually relapsed and ended up in a psych ward for 10 days in April, 2017. The last time I had been to a psych ward was March 2013, 4 years I didn’t relapse and was going in the right direction.
When I got discharged I was finally able to meet Dean Johnson-four months after she had put a hold on my account and was monitoring me.. One thing she said during my meeting with her “I’ve been keeping tabs on you ever since you started attending Farmingdale”. That’s something you don’t say to someone that’s a paranoid schizophrenic.
In any case, I’m back in full force and will be updating with re-posting some of my old posts, as well as continuing to be a mental health advocate.
Later this evening I’m attending a support group meeting at NAMI. I will also be posting the free chapters to my book, partially renamed; Trans Mongolian: Memoirs of an American-Muslim Schizoaffective. Last year I was rediagnosed as schizoaffective. More on that later!